Normal: Conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.
This is the definition of "normal" but whose standard? whose expectation? We all have different standards and expectations so really ... is there such a thing as NORMAL?
My son, very upset the other day, exclaimed, "Why can't people just be NORMAL?" I looked at him and had no idea what he meant. So, when faced with such a quandary, I asked, "What do you mean?" He explained that (to him) normal is everyone is nice, without judgement, and accepts people the way they are. I smiled and I thought, "Wouldn't that be wonderful!?" I liked my son's definition of normal. It sat in my lap perfectly and made me feel good.
I remember seeing a t-shirt or bumper sticker or whatever it was that said, "Why be normal?" When I first saw it, I agreed. Why would anyone want to be like EVERYONE else? However, if we used my son's definition, then why wouldn't you want to be normal? My son has labels and "contingencies" and IEP's so by the definition he is not what might be considered normal. I have none of those things and I believe it would be a really hard sell to find anyone who knows me, really anyone who has met me, use the word "normal" to describe me! So really, when it comes to normal in the traditional dictionary society accepting definition - you can have it. Though if I were going to use my son's feelings on what is normal then I say, "We should ALL strive to be normal!"
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Escape From Reality; Enjoy Entertainment
I went to the movies the other day, alone. Now don't feel sorry for me, this is how I enjoy going to movies unless I can go with like minded individuals and we can have a discussion about the movie AFTER it has ended! See, I go to movies to escape from the world and be entertained. Movies based on true stories do not bother me as I am keenly aware they are still embellishments of what actually happened. Those embellishments are there for entertainment! I do not watch a documentary for entertainment, I watch it for information. This is an entirely different frame of mind.
At the movies I like to sit back and get enveloped into the story, people talking (whispering or not), checking their phones, crinkling plastic, and so on take away from the experience. When you go to the movies with others they tend to want to talk to you. Movies are awful dates! Plain and simple. If you want to get to know one another, a movie is not the place to do it; if you want to catch up with old pals you have not seen in awhile, a movie is not the place to do it. If you want to be entertained, forget about all the things going on outside those four walls you are sitting in then the movies is the perfect place to be.
When I see a movie and I hear critics, or people criticizing a movie with the words, "It was so unreal, that could never happen." I want to turn to them and say, "Well yeah, DUH, it's a MOOOOVIE!" Why would you want it to be real? Want real? Walk around and pay attention to what is going on around you instead of head tilt looking at your phone! I can't even say watch the news, or "reality" TV because all of that is fabricated to some extent as well.
A problem is, no one really know what "REAL" is anymore. Even our facebook posts and tweets are not reality. It was much more difficult to portray your world as wonderfully perfect, or horribly awful face to face because people would look at you and if they even had a inkling you were lying they would call you on it and you had to respond on the spot. Now you can portray your life as glamorous or as awful as you would like and even if someone questions you it will be lost in all the "likes," shares, posts, and comments. In fact, you can wait days, even weeks before responding or never respond. Meanwhile, the rest of the world is congratulating or sympathizing all over your non-real wall!
This is not to say I do not enjoy going to the movies with family or friends, certainly I do. And if/when they speak or peruse their phone I sit quietly and enjoy the film. Does it bother me? Well, I guess in a word, yes, however, what would bother me more is reacting poorly. I am sure there are more than a few things I do that my friends and family do not particularly like - in fact, I am well aware of some of them, but that's another blog. I do my best to be the best me every day of my life and I like to think I am patient and kind but most of all I like to make people happy. Getting on a friend because they use their phone during a movie probably won't raise their happy bar and although it isn't something I enjoy it certainly isn't going to kill me and I will get over it.
In the end, my point on this is - enjoy movies for what they are there for first: Entertainment. Of course, there are movies out there to make us think, to inspire us, to remind us where we came from, and/or to remind us that we are all on this great big ball together and we should really try to get along and by all means, we should remember that and work on those things and if a movie helps to bring that point home then all the better but again, ENJOY. Heck, you paid for it, at the very least you should do that!
At the movies I like to sit back and get enveloped into the story, people talking (whispering or not), checking their phones, crinkling plastic, and so on take away from the experience. When you go to the movies with others they tend to want to talk to you. Movies are awful dates! Plain and simple. If you want to get to know one another, a movie is not the place to do it; if you want to catch up with old pals you have not seen in awhile, a movie is not the place to do it. If you want to be entertained, forget about all the things going on outside those four walls you are sitting in then the movies is the perfect place to be.
When I see a movie and I hear critics, or people criticizing a movie with the words, "It was so unreal, that could never happen." I want to turn to them and say, "Well yeah, DUH, it's a MOOOOVIE!" Why would you want it to be real? Want real? Walk around and pay attention to what is going on around you instead of head tilt looking at your phone! I can't even say watch the news, or "reality" TV because all of that is fabricated to some extent as well.
A problem is, no one really know what "REAL" is anymore. Even our facebook posts and tweets are not reality. It was much more difficult to portray your world as wonderfully perfect, or horribly awful face to face because people would look at you and if they even had a inkling you were lying they would call you on it and you had to respond on the spot. Now you can portray your life as glamorous or as awful as you would like and even if someone questions you it will be lost in all the "likes," shares, posts, and comments. In fact, you can wait days, even weeks before responding or never respond. Meanwhile, the rest of the world is congratulating or sympathizing all over your non-real wall!
This is not to say I do not enjoy going to the movies with family or friends, certainly I do. And if/when they speak or peruse their phone I sit quietly and enjoy the film. Does it bother me? Well, I guess in a word, yes, however, what would bother me more is reacting poorly. I am sure there are more than a few things I do that my friends and family do not particularly like - in fact, I am well aware of some of them, but that's another blog. I do my best to be the best me every day of my life and I like to think I am patient and kind but most of all I like to make people happy. Getting on a friend because they use their phone during a movie probably won't raise their happy bar and although it isn't something I enjoy it certainly isn't going to kill me and I will get over it.
In the end, my point on this is - enjoy movies for what they are there for first: Entertainment. Of course, there are movies out there to make us think, to inspire us, to remind us where we came from, and/or to remind us that we are all on this great big ball together and we should really try to get along and by all means, we should remember that and work on those things and if a movie helps to bring that point home then all the better but again, ENJOY. Heck, you paid for it, at the very least you should do that!
Sunday, November 15, 2015
Let's Assume ...
Or let's not! Just because I am a Christian one might assume I want Roe vs Wade over turned, or that I am against gay marriage, or that I think that I am getting into heaven and anyone who doesn't agree with me is not.
Because a woman is blond does not automatically make her dumb. Because a man is Italian and wears really nice tailored suits does not make him part of the mafia. And just because a person is Muslim does not make them anti-American or a terrorist. These can all be described as stereotypes.
Stereotype - A widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing.
Stereotypes are good for one thing - comedy. And when using a stereotype in a comedic formulation it is meant to be funny because the fact is that stereotypes are wrong! It would be wonderful if stereotypes were spot on; we would always know exactly what to expect from a jock, a Jew, or a gypsy. However, they are not spot on and even if a particular person or thing does fall neatly into the box of a certain stereotype that does not make that okay!
Stop assuming that just because I am female I get over emotional at certain times of the month, I live for chocolate, and I have a million pairs of shoes. (Now, I do have quite a few pairs of shoes however, so does my father and I can assure you he is 100% NOT a woman!) And as far as chocolate goes I could live the rest of my life without it, though I do not think my husband or son could, and again, they are not women!
I understand that it is human nature to have a predisposition towards certain things and based on past experiences people will come up with a conclusion. All I am saying is do not lump an entire ... well, an entire anything into one category. Spouting off on your facebooks, reddits, and twitters that an entire group should be eliminated only makes you sound uneducated and like Hitler. You may have the best intentions but really? I am also not saying to turn a blind eye to what is happening around our world today. I do not walk around oblivious with rose colored glasses on however, I also do not think that everyone who does not look like me or who does not think like me should be annihilated.
Everyone has an opinion, and everyone is allowed to agree or disagree however, if you are just spouting off stereotypes and not really adding to the discussion or not even thinking about entertaining any idea other than "Let's just wipe them off the face of the Earth," (and you are putting innocent "thems" in with the guilty ones) ... then really, you are a part of the problem.
Because a woman is blond does not automatically make her dumb. Because a man is Italian and wears really nice tailored suits does not make him part of the mafia. And just because a person is Muslim does not make them anti-American or a terrorist. These can all be described as stereotypes.
Stereotype - A widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing.
Stereotypes are good for one thing - comedy. And when using a stereotype in a comedic formulation it is meant to be funny because the fact is that stereotypes are wrong! It would be wonderful if stereotypes were spot on; we would always know exactly what to expect from a jock, a Jew, or a gypsy. However, they are not spot on and even if a particular person or thing does fall neatly into the box of a certain stereotype that does not make that okay!
Stop assuming that just because I am female I get over emotional at certain times of the month, I live for chocolate, and I have a million pairs of shoes. (Now, I do have quite a few pairs of shoes however, so does my father and I can assure you he is 100% NOT a woman!) And as far as chocolate goes I could live the rest of my life without it, though I do not think my husband or son could, and again, they are not women!
I understand that it is human nature to have a predisposition towards certain things and based on past experiences people will come up with a conclusion. All I am saying is do not lump an entire ... well, an entire anything into one category. Spouting off on your facebooks, reddits, and twitters that an entire group should be eliminated only makes you sound uneducated and like Hitler. You may have the best intentions but really? I am also not saying to turn a blind eye to what is happening around our world today. I do not walk around oblivious with rose colored glasses on however, I also do not think that everyone who does not look like me or who does not think like me should be annihilated.
Everyone has an opinion, and everyone is allowed to agree or disagree however, if you are just spouting off stereotypes and not really adding to the discussion or not even thinking about entertaining any idea other than "Let's just wipe them off the face of the Earth," (and you are putting innocent "thems" in with the guilty ones) ... then really, you are a part of the problem.
Thursday, October 29, 2015
You Know What "Maybe" Means?
The word "maybe" is used to convey uncertainty. The use of the word "maybe" has risen dramatically since its inception in the early 1800's. Have we become less decisive? I believe we have become lazy and non-committal.
Frankly, when I have invited someone to a get together, an event, or anything requiring a "yes" or "no" response and I get "maybe" what I actually hear is, "If I haven't gotten a better offer..." I find everything about the word lazy. By all means just say, "Well if nothing better is happening then or I just don't feel like it at that time..." Although, I would much rather hear, "Let me look at my calendar and I will get back to you." So long as you do get back to me! This would typically happen within the next 24-48 hours depending on when the event in question is going to occur. This might be a much more pleasant option as you may not want to attend the event, (which is within your right) but you don't want to say no in a face-to-face situation. Thereby avoiding any further inquiry. Though, if it is an interaction between myself and someone, there would be no further inquiry. If you wanted to share your reasons for not attending that is completely up to you, however, I would not ask why you cannot attend! That is simply none of my business.
This might be the reason why people lean on the "maybe" for lack of wanting to come up with excuses why they cannot or will not attend. I am much more likely to pursue you when you give me a maybe than a no. Simply because the "maybe" is just a cop-out. It's your lack of commitment, your attempt at politeness not wanting to offend or it is flat out an excuse to keep the person at bay until you have exhausted all your options.
Honesty never offends me. Be honest! Yes, honesty can sting a little however, I would take a thousand stings of honesty over a lazy, non-committing, flat out lie of a "maybe" any day. After all, you know if you can or cannot attend. You know if you want or do not want to attend. The only thing standing in your way is your lack of being honest with me. You can hurt me if you are honest but I can and will get over it and I will have nothing to hold against you. Lie to me, and you have not only hurt me, as you did not respect me enough to tell me the truth, but you have made me leery of trusting you on any level.
Give me a YES! Give me a NO! Give me "I'd rather have my teeth drilled without Novocain." But for the sake of not looking like a lazy liar, please, do not give me MAYBE!
[Please leave me your honest comments on this or any of my blogs below! Thanks!]
[Please leave me your honest comments on this or any of my blogs below! Thanks!]
Monday, October 26, 2015
It's not Rocket Science
Holding the door for the person walking in behind you with their arms full of parcels, it's not rocket science. Waiting your turn to speak when someone is speaking to you or a group, it's not rocket science. Not throwing your garbage into anything other than a garbage receptacle, it's not rocket science. And how about giving people your actual attention when you are with them, rather than having your face in a screen the entire time, it's not rocket science, it's called respect or "common" courtesy.
Why is "common" in quotes? Because it isn't common any longer. People are so stuck into their phone screens they aren't seeing how rude they are being to the entire world. However, when someone does it to them, they are sure quick to point it out. In fact, cell phone use has gotten to such a level it has become the new "it won't happen to me" statistic. Tripping over a crack in the sidewalk while watching something on your screen or texting - "It won't happen to me." Crossing over the double yellow line and hitting another car head on - "It won't happen to me." If it isn't happening to all these "me's" in the world then why is it happening at all?
I was driving through a small but populated village the other day and excited to see a friend of mine driving towards me I was going to wave to them with that excitement and a huge smile but as the person got closer I noticed the driver, my friend, had the cell phone propped up with the hand that was controlling the steering and the other hand was pressing on the screen all while the eyes of my friend were frantically looking from the screen to in front of the car and back again. My excitement turn to terror and disappointment and my smile dissipated immediately. Do you know how important you are to the people around you? Do you know the heartbreak and damage you could cause to yourself and most likely others? All because a text could not wait the ten or twenty minutes until you reached your destination?
This is the era we live in. I'm not a fan. I can adapt but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Somehow it seems to me that the more we progress the more we give up and there is something to be said for simpler times. Understand that this is not the ranting of a person who has gotten to a certain age and walks around saying "What's wrong with our youth today..." I missed simpler times even when I was seven. I am an old soul, though I am technologically savvy and I can keep up with the times I prefer big bands to dub step, albums to cd's, carburetors to fuel injection, and face-to-face meetings to skype, preferably with the phones tucked away where they can't be seen or heard. It's not rocket science!
[I welcome any and all comments and questions - please feel free to do so below.]
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Nastiness Behind the Keyboard
On December 31, 2014 at around 9 p.m. I shut down my Facebook. I just could not take it anymore. It seemed to me that so many on Facebook were just nasty! Often spewing things, I am sure (or at least I would hope), they would never actually say to someone's face however, with the cushion of not having a person to react in person to what they "say" people seem empowered? (and I am not sure that is the word I really want to use) when they are typing on a keyboard.
Needless to say, I do not regret shutting down my Facebook. Though I have been subject to a different kind of nastiness! Some of the "friends" that I had on that particular social media feel it is well within their right to tell me all the reasons why I should come back and most have to do with making life easier for them. Some of the "friends" have fallen completely off the face of the earth where I am concerned although I have an Instagram, a Twitter, a Tumblr, a Pinterest, a Snapchat, a Reddit, a Google+, and even an Ello! (Yes, I know - what is Ello? Right?) Not to mention, I have a smart phone that they can call or text and I am living in the same house I was 17 years ago and my parents are still in the house (with the same phone number) that I grew up in my ENTIRE life. My point? If someone wants to find me or connect with me there are so many ways to do so that having or not having a Facebook should be irrelevant.
Some well meaning friends have informed me that I can block certain people, or choose to continue scrolling and refrain from reading the nastiness but still be "connected" to the friends I truly want to be connected with. Well, all I have to say to that is, I am! I connect with the friends I want to in person and face to face and no pictures or daily posts will ever be better than that! Do I get to "see" them everyday? No, but does reading a persons post on how much they have accomplished in the first hour upon waking this morning, or seeing a picture of the food they are about to eat really connect me to them? I personally do not think so.
Social media has taken away the raised eyebrow, the smirk, the hardy belly laugh. LMAO will never replace actually laughing so hard your crying with your friend doubled over not being able to breath because they are laughing with you. The consolation of a friend's hand physically on your shoulder when something in your life has gone wrong cannot be replaced with a post stating, "Sorry you are going through this, I am thinking of you."
As I mentioned I am on a variety of social media however, I am not married to any of them. There was something about Facebook that would suck me in for hours and cause me to have actual physical pain from getting angry, hurt, or upset from people's posting. For me, the solution was to get rid of the irritant. If I had a stone in my shoe I would not wait until after the five mile hike to remove it, right? Facebook was that stone.
It has been over eight months since I shut down my Facebook, people have asked if I will return after the new year. I won't. Especially with the upcoming Presidential election I feel pretty safe in saying the nastiness has not subsided and that's not a stone I want to put back in my shoe. Not even for a short hike.
Needless to say, I do not regret shutting down my Facebook. Though I have been subject to a different kind of nastiness! Some of the "friends" that I had on that particular social media feel it is well within their right to tell me all the reasons why I should come back and most have to do with making life easier for them. Some of the "friends" have fallen completely off the face of the earth where I am concerned although I have an Instagram, a Twitter, a Tumblr, a Pinterest, a Snapchat, a Reddit, a Google+, and even an Ello! (Yes, I know - what is Ello? Right?) Not to mention, I have a smart phone that they can call or text and I am living in the same house I was 17 years ago and my parents are still in the house (with the same phone number) that I grew up in my ENTIRE life. My point? If someone wants to find me or connect with me there are so many ways to do so that having or not having a Facebook should be irrelevant.
Some well meaning friends have informed me that I can block certain people, or choose to continue scrolling and refrain from reading the nastiness but still be "connected" to the friends I truly want to be connected with. Well, all I have to say to that is, I am! I connect with the friends I want to in person and face to face and no pictures or daily posts will ever be better than that! Do I get to "see" them everyday? No, but does reading a persons post on how much they have accomplished in the first hour upon waking this morning, or seeing a picture of the food they are about to eat really connect me to them? I personally do not think so.
Social media has taken away the raised eyebrow, the smirk, the hardy belly laugh. LMAO will never replace actually laughing so hard your crying with your friend doubled over not being able to breath because they are laughing with you. The consolation of a friend's hand physically on your shoulder when something in your life has gone wrong cannot be replaced with a post stating, "Sorry you are going through this, I am thinking of you."
As I mentioned I am on a variety of social media however, I am not married to any of them. There was something about Facebook that would suck me in for hours and cause me to have actual physical pain from getting angry, hurt, or upset from people's posting. For me, the solution was to get rid of the irritant. If I had a stone in my shoe I would not wait until after the five mile hike to remove it, right? Facebook was that stone.
It has been over eight months since I shut down my Facebook, people have asked if I will return after the new year. I won't. Especially with the upcoming Presidential election I feel pretty safe in saying the nastiness has not subsided and that's not a stone I want to put back in my shoe. Not even for a short hike.
Saturday, September 12, 2015
The Founding "Fathers" Were Christian and Smart
With the focus on Kim Davis and her stance against same sex marriage I've been thinking about the variety of ways people defend their views especially when the argument spouts, "it's time to put God back into the constitution." Fact is, He was never there!
The foundation of why the settlers came to America was so they could exercise their freedom of religion, most of which were Christian. When they wrote the constitution they wanted to be absolutely sure that this was never compromised. Not that every one had to be Christian but that every one would have the inalienable right and freedom to practice the religion of their choice and government has no place in that decision or practice. Now this being said, Kim Davis is well within her right to not condone same sex marriage as that is part of her religious belief system however, she is not allowed to disregard her oath to uphold the constitution at her job because she doesn't agree with a particular rule or law and use her religion as a crutch. If she cannot fulfill her duties as her oath would indicate she has no other choice than to step down from her job.
The constitution was written in 1787, ratified in 1788 with no mention of God. It does mention religion in the first amendment which states, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances." This does not prohibit Kim Davis from worshiping, from believing what she believes and it does not at any point mention she cannot feel very strongly against same sex marriage, however, it does not state she is allowed to pick and chose the parts of her job she deems acceptable to herself. She took an oath when she accepted her position, an oath that goes as follows, "I, _____, do swear that I will well and truly discharge the duties of the office of _____ County Circuit Court clerk, according to the best of my skill and judgment, making the due entries and records of all orders, judgments, decrees, opinions and proceedings of the court, and carefully filing and preserving in my office all books and papers which come to my possession by virtue of my office; and that I will not knowingly or willingly commit any malfeasance of office, and will faithfully execute the duties of my office without favor, affection or partiality, so help me God." She swore this oath, "without favor, affection or partiality, so help [her] God" and it would seem to me she is being a bit partial picking and choosing what parts of her job she will and will not fulfill and add in, she is doing this knowingly.
I am a Christian AND I believe in the foundation of what this country was built on and I appreciate the freedom that I can choose to be a Christian and follow my faith. I also appreciate that I am smart enough to not apply or continue to work at a place that would cause me to have to compromise my beliefs. "Under God" was added to the Pledge of Allegiance in 1954 and "In God We Trust" was progressively added to money beginning in 1957. Although, as a Christian, I have no problem with either I do wonder how the first settlers, the men who wrote the constitution, the ones who came to this country to escape religious prosecution and made a point of writing a document making sure that freedom (whatever the religion might be) remain intact. In the end, I am not judge or jury, it is not my place. I believe that same sex couples should have the same legal rights of interracial couples, of opposite couples, or any couples! I believe God loves ALL of his children and I believe our forefathers were smart in writing a constitution that was meant to prevent the very reason they escaped their birthplace.
The foundation of why the settlers came to America was so they could exercise their freedom of religion, most of which were Christian. When they wrote the constitution they wanted to be absolutely sure that this was never compromised. Not that every one had to be Christian but that every one would have the inalienable right and freedom to practice the religion of their choice and government has no place in that decision or practice. Now this being said, Kim Davis is well within her right to not condone same sex marriage as that is part of her religious belief system however, she is not allowed to disregard her oath to uphold the constitution at her job because she doesn't agree with a particular rule or law and use her religion as a crutch. If she cannot fulfill her duties as her oath would indicate she has no other choice than to step down from her job.
The constitution was written in 1787, ratified in 1788 with no mention of God. It does mention religion in the first amendment which states, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances." This does not prohibit Kim Davis from worshiping, from believing what she believes and it does not at any point mention she cannot feel very strongly against same sex marriage, however, it does not state she is allowed to pick and chose the parts of her job she deems acceptable to herself. She took an oath when she accepted her position, an oath that goes as follows, "I, _____, do swear that I will well and truly discharge the duties of the office of _____ County Circuit Court clerk, according to the best of my skill and judgment, making the due entries and records of all orders, judgments, decrees, opinions and proceedings of the court, and carefully filing and preserving in my office all books and papers which come to my possession by virtue of my office; and that I will not knowingly or willingly commit any malfeasance of office, and will faithfully execute the duties of my office without favor, affection or partiality, so help me God." She swore this oath, "without favor, affection or partiality, so help [her] God" and it would seem to me she is being a bit partial picking and choosing what parts of her job she will and will not fulfill and add in, she is doing this knowingly.
I am a Christian AND I believe in the foundation of what this country was built on and I appreciate the freedom that I can choose to be a Christian and follow my faith. I also appreciate that I am smart enough to not apply or continue to work at a place that would cause me to have to compromise my beliefs. "Under God" was added to the Pledge of Allegiance in 1954 and "In God We Trust" was progressively added to money beginning in 1957. Although, as a Christian, I have no problem with either I do wonder how the first settlers, the men who wrote the constitution, the ones who came to this country to escape religious prosecution and made a point of writing a document making sure that freedom (whatever the religion might be) remain intact. In the end, I am not judge or jury, it is not my place. I believe that same sex couples should have the same legal rights of interracial couples, of opposite couples, or any couples! I believe God loves ALL of his children and I believe our forefathers were smart in writing a constitution that was meant to prevent the very reason they escaped their birthplace.
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